No one is saying that your marriage isn’t difficult. It might even be
miserable. But an interesting set of statistics shows that people who
take divorce off the table as an option not only resolve their issues,
but end up being happier than ever.
If your marriage is feeling troubled, and you’re considering divorce,
consider trying alternate therapies instead, marriage counseling, or
just some open communication. But whatever you do, don’t bring up the
“D” word as an option, because doing that will change the rules of the
game.
Now, of course it’s important to acknowledge that there are a lot of
influences on you to get a divorce. Your friends who don’t like your
spouse, legal advertisements, even popular culture. It’s a common
statistic that most marriages end in divorce, and so it seems like an
acceptable, even normal way to resolve problems in a marriage.
But let’s look at some statistics. Of all the couples surveyed who
were contemplating divorce and then decided not to go through with it,
80% claimed to be happily married only five years later. In all
likelihood this is due to two elements.
The first is that those couples who decide not to consider divorce,
the only remaining option is to deal with the problems experienced in
the marriage head-on. This is a powerful and proactive tactic that will
lead to acknowledgement of the problems the couples face, and maybe even
to solutions.
The other element is that once divorce is considered, the dynamic of
the relationship is changed. This is a more subtle, though far more
destructive product of considering divorce. The dynamic of this is
simple. When a fundamental disagreement develops in a marriage – as it
will in almost all relationships – those who never consider divorce are
forced to deal with the disagreement.
Those who do consider divorce preserve an “out” that can be used
without ever addressing the issue. As the problems in the marriage
mount, or the fundamental issues become more divisive, the easy out of
divorce can become more and more appealing.
This thinking will take both of you, however. When both people in a
marriage are actively searching for a solution to a problem, and both
accept that divorce is not – and will not be – an option, a solution
will almost surely be found. You and your spouse will be asking what you
can do to make things better, rather than asking if it’s worth it, or
if you should cut your losses and run.
Remove divorce as an option and endeavor to go into relationship
counseling, therapy of some kind, or just talk about your problems in a
mature and open way. To many it may seem the more difficult option, but
considering the long-term impacts of divorce on your life, finances, and
family, committing to finding ways through the pain and communicating
your way towards a solution seems immediately more attractive!
It seems simplistic, but statistically it also seems to work. Those
who deny divorce as a viable end to a committed marriage will also be
more motivated to work on that marriage, and work through the problems
that could, without communication and understanding, put an end to
something that was supposed to be a lifetime commitment and bond.
Divorce is never the end of your problems. In most cases, it’s only
the beginning of a whole new set of problems to face. If you want a
solution that not only helps you grow as a person, but also fosters a
healthier and more stable relationship, make sure you visit Save My Marriage Today:
